To watch a tree.

Sometimes, I watch a tree. I look at its leaves. They usually dance slightly in the light breeze. A minute after I have been watching it, my mind starts to get bored. My popcorn brain¹ demands input. The tree is not sufficiently buzzing with information.

Being someone who usually has three screens on, engaging with all three at the same time, while eating a meal and engaging my thoughts in other things which have nothing to do with any of the several activities I have in front of me, I end up forcing myself to watch the tree. Why? Because this image of myself comes into my mind’s eye. I see myself engaging in too many things. My attention is so dispersed that in truth I do nothing, while expending the mental effort of doing everything. In the end, I am mentally exhausted, unable to focus deeply on any issue, and I have nothing to show for it. So I strain my mind to watch this tree. “I will sit here. I will feel the boredom. And I will persevere.” I think to myself. As I think this, the image seen by my mind’s eye takes my attention away from the tree. I swiftly throw away that image in order to focus on the tree.² I strain myself to focus on the tree. As I do, the distractions grow in number and my attention weakens. Microseconds of losing focus happen like little drops of attention-stealing rain falling on my mind.

After about ten minutes, I find myself unable to continue focusing on the tree. I almost reflexively look to my phone. However, sometimes, I do not pick it up. Instead I just gaze at something else, and let my mind wander.

That wandering feels like a victory. And that is why it is so fulfilling to watch a tree.

---

1 A brain so used to constant stimulus that the threshold for feeling bored is very low. Even a short amount of time without stimulus, a minute or two, is enough to descend into boredom.

2 Perhaps throwing the image away is just the popcorn brain winning again. Perhaps I should not be so swift about it, but put the image away slowly.